Chris and Frances Jones met through a friend they had in common many years ago. Chris was a minister and Frances frequently sang in gospel choirs. Frances had recently relocated to Memphis and was looking for someone to service her car. The friend immediately told her about Chris.
Frances being new to the city had not found a church yet and was visiting several to see which she would join as a member. She decided to attend her friend’s church one Sunday and discovered after the service that Chris had shown up the same day. Neither Chris nor Frances knew that they would attend that day. When Chris walked into the church, he seemed very familiar to Frances. She felt as though she had seen him before.
When church services were over, the two of them talked for quite a while. Frances discovered they had never met. After their conversation, she felt comfortable enough to let Chris come to her home and repair her vehicle. A week later, Chris fixed Frances’ car. He also ultimately fixed her heart. A loving bond formed between the two of them that evolved into a loving relationship that led to marriage.
When they first met, Chris had full custody of his 4 ½ year old daughter. Frances married Chris at the age of 32 and became an instant mom. She was enjoying life and very happy being a new wife and mother. She had a wonderful and close relationship with her new daughter. Chris and Frances wanted to add to their family right away but after several months of trying to get pregnant, concerns began to surface.
The newly married couple decided to see a doctor to determine if there were any issues preventing their ability to have children. During a laparoscopic procedure, Frances was diagnosed with a severe case of endometriosis. The adhesions were so severe that her ovaries were literally glued to her back. There was so much scarring that the only thing the doctor could do was unstick them. In spite of the diagnoses, she and Chris were very optimistic that their dream of conceiving a child would be a reality.
The doctor put Frances on Lupron in hopes to kill the endometriosis. After 6 months using the treatment, Frances began taking clomid to see if conception would occur. During a period of approximately two years with several failed pregnancy attempts and much disappointment, she and Chris decided to seek the assistance of a specialist at Fertility Associates of Memphis. Hope was inspired in their hearts again. They looked forward to what the future would bring.
Since two years had transpired since her first laparoscopy, it was suggested that another one be performed to determine the status of Frances condition. To her dismay, the procedure revealed stage 4 endometriosis. This time the scarring was so severe that her ovaries were glued to her front. Unsticking them was all that could be done. To make matters worse, Frances was also informed that her egg reserve and quality was low.
For many years, Frances was plagued with physical pain related to endometriosis along with a great deal of emotional pain due to her inability to conceive. Tormenting herself with toxic devaluing thoughts, she quietly lived a life of shame, embarrassment, frustration, hurt, guilt, and condemnation. She and Chris underwent several unsuccessful attempts to conceive with Intrauterine insemination (IUI). With each failed attempt, Frances hopes became more bleak. Chris and Frances hoped that they could start In vitro fertilization (IVF) but were told that even if Frances was able to conceive, there was a higher risk of miscarriage. The couple was willing to take the chance if there was any hope that they could have a child.
They were excited to learn that their insurance would cover a maximum of $25,000 for fertility treatment. When checking the insurance benefits to obtain additional information, Frances was told that in order to undergo IVF treatment, she and Chris would have to pay for the services upfront and then file a claim for reimbursement. This was like the straw that broke the camel’s back. They had just used all of their available financial resources to purchase their first home. That being said, they did not have the funds to pay for the IVF treatments.
It was like a cold slap in the face. They ultimately made the decision to stop fertility treatments. It was a hurtful and difficult decision…especially for Frances. In order to find closure, she wrote a letter to the Fertility clinic stating her desire to donate the remainder of her medicine in hope that one of their patient’s who could not afford the medicine would be able to use them. She felt that in some small way, she would be able to help another couple obtain their dreams of conceiving a child.
Although Chris and Frances were never able to conceive any children, they were able to build their family by adopting two brothers ages 2 and 4 years old. Although in their mind, their family was complete, Frances still struggled with the hurt of never being able to conceive. For many years she hid her feelings beneath a mask. She smiled on the outside but was deeply wounded within. Many females in her family, including all of her sisters were able to conceive. Frances was genuinely happy for them but carried sadness and heartache for the child she would never carry.
Infertility has a way of changing who a person is. Its controlling effects frequently cause women and men to be robbed of the beautiful joys in life. Frances learned this lesson the hard way. She found a way to overcome those hurtful emotions and thoughts and is now helping other women and men to do the same. Frances Jones founded Heart Desires Fulfillment Coaching, LLC and is a Transformational Infertility and Life Purpose coach. She helps her clients to access and deal with infertility’s negative emotions.
Frances has written a book called, “Overcoming the Emotional Stigmas of Infertility: Barren but Not Ashamed” that will be released on March 25, 2021. In this book, she shares her 20 + year personal experience with infertility and the negative thoughts and emotions she endured during that time. She also shares the techniques she used to free herself from those toxic thoughts and emotions in order to find peace with never being able to conceive. Frances Jones found purpose in her pain and is helping others who are battling with the negativity associated with having challenges having children.
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